Musings on the Scorpio Full Moon

Welcome to the full, powerful moon in Scorpio today. This was the moon that the Buddha was said to have been born under, reached enlightened with, and was released from his human form through. Needless to say - it can hold quite the amount of power under its glowing light! Scorpio is one of those signs that can be widely misconstrued, especially with 'pop astrology' making blanket claims to 'watch out for that Scorpion sting!' I remember a friend saying that they always feel like they have to apologize whenever they divulge they have a Scorpio sun. And while Scorpio can be associated with intensity, depths of feelings that verge on being all-consuming, and with that, sometimes a tendency to keep these feelings hidden, it is also the sign I most associate with transformation. We don't have to look further than the tales of the Buddha to see that! 

Scorpio is ruled by two planets - Mars (anyone been feeling a bit more rageful than usual?) and Pluto. And it is Pluto, the god of the underworld, that gives us the gift of transformation. But only if we're willing to let go of what no longer supports us. Pluto doesn't deal with half-assed attempts or commitments, he knows that if you truly want to experience change, you must be willing to surrender. Fully. Not knowing what lies on the other side of what you're letting go of, but surrendering nonetheless. And hoy boy is that hard, unnerving work. It requires unparalleled trust that what lies on the other side is worth it. Even if we have no idea what that actually is. 

This is a very simplified, seemingly inconsequential, but still poignant example that happened to me a month ago. If you know my astrological chart, or just know me, you know that I have a predisposition to trying to find meaning in everything ;) 

I have two bracelets and a ring that I wear everyday. I bought them on my first trip to Bali a couple years ago from a local man on the beach in my favourite town. Immediately they became symbolic of the joy and freedom I was experiencing at that time in my life. Then each of the pieces began to take on their own significance - the two bracelets, one with a moon stone, the other with obsidian, represented the balancing of the masculine and feminine, a talisman that I could return to to remember the importance of balancing these two energies within myself. The bracelets and ring then transformed into a sort of 'warrior armour' that I would put on every day - giving me a sense that whenever I put them on, I could handle what life threw at me (ha.. if only it was that simple..). Needless to say that over the years, this jewellery has come to represent a lot to me in different ways, seen me through some of my most challenging experiences. And in a funny way, they feel like familiar friends. 

So you can imagine my internal freakout when I noticed that the moon stone bracelet was starting to break, right at where the moon stone was placed. Now I will openly admit, I have never been great at letting things go easily haha! A mixture between sentimentality and fear seem to be a strange concoction that keep me bound. And while I could easily see the bracelet slowly bending, knowing full well it would inevitably have to break, I wasn't ready to let go. I started wearing it to bed every night even though I'd wake up with deep indentations in my arm. I was trying so hard to not 'disturb' it, holding onto this bracelet and what it symbolically represented to me, for dear life. 

It became almost a game between me and this bracelet. We both knew that it was going to break, but I wasn't going down without a fight. Talk about resisting the inevitable haha! About holding on to something that you know needs to be let go of. That's time is simply up. I braced myself for when it would inevitably break and prepared myself to feel absolutely devastated. This coincided with me not being able to go back to Bali, so there were just a wack of projections being thrown about everywhere haha! What would I do without this bracelet? Without the feminine side it represented? As if my femininity was directly associated with this bracelet somehow. 

And then one day, it happened. It broke while I was in the shower. I stared down at it, the moon stone lying there, while the main part of the bracelet was still on my wrist. And I felt.. unbelievably FINE. I couldn't believe it! I had been bracing myself to feel as if a part of me had broken when the bracelet did. I stared in disbelief and then started laughing and said to myself 'oh, ok then.. well that was a bit anticlimactic.' And then the gifts of letting go, albeit resistantly, emerged and left me slow-clapping Pluto once again. 

Only by this forced letting go did what was actually important to me emerge. I thought I was attached to the moon stone, this symbol of the feminine. But when it snapped I realized that what I actually loved most about this bracelet was having two on my wrist! I love how the two bracelets weave together sometimes, stand far apart other times. I know it probably seems out there (who, me?), but they act as almost messages to me from the invisible realms by how the two bracelets interact with each other (told you I can find meaning in anything!). What I was holding onto wasn't even what ended up being most important to me! But only by letting go did I find this out. 

And what's more? The moon stone bracelet had a hook at the end of it that would catch on everything. Literally fucking everything. I have made holes in countless sweaters by this goddamn hook, it has driven me craaaaazy. And yet my stubbornness, my attachment, made me put up with it. And the hook fell off with the moon stone, leaving a clean edge. So now what's left is a newly transformed bracelet that I can still wear. While remanent of what it once was, it is a completely new bracelet that sits and plays on my wrist because the shape has changed. And what's left now is way better than what it once was because that goddamn hook is gone. Yes I miss looking at the moon stone, but the stone and the hook now sit upon my alter. Not ripping holes in my clothes. Reminding me of the gifts that lie beyond knowing. That it was the fear of letting go that actually was more debilitating. That I only learnt what was important to me by being forced to let go. And being totally shocked at what it actually was that was important to me in the end.  

So while letting go, surrendering fully can evoke intense reactions of fear, resistance, sadness and everything in between, this Scorpio full moon is reminding us that what lies on the other side is something that we cannot know the beauty of until we, well, let go. That despite one's resistance, inevitably we can't out run when something's, someone's time is up. We may resist, we may wear our bracelet to bed even though it causes us pain, but inevitably once we let go, we can surprise even ourselves at our own resilience, of our ability to transmute the pain of loss into the birth of something new. That's ultimately way more supportive of us. Or way less infuriating at least (a la the hook). 

I am not implying that this is an easy process, at all. But whether imposed from the outside or from ourselves, letting go of what no longer serves us - be that past hurts, current expectations, future fantasies, a job, a relationship, a pair of sunglasses that pinches your nose but looks so goddamn fabulous - it is our portal to transform. We are telling Pluto that no matter how uncomfortable we feel in this moment, no matter how scared of what lies beyond we are, we know and trust that in order to evolve, to transform, we must let go of what's holding us back. Or more accurately, what's holding us from moving forward. 

You may very well be surprised at what you're actually holding on to - it may not be what you expect. But there's only one way to find out... 

Sending much, much love always! And if anyone reaches enlightenment today, remember to thank all those Scorpios ;) 

Xx Faye