Musings on the Leo Full Moon

Leading up to the full moon this weekend (technically on Sunday at 2:33am, so best to gaze up in awe on Sat night if it's clear!), I was at a complete loss of what I wanted to write about. To be honest, I was just gonna fuck it and not write anything. I was stuck on somewhat surface level interpretations of what the Leo sign stands for - fun, passion, love, creativity, showing up and standing out, in the words of Kristen Wing in Bridesmaids, "Let's get ready to parrrrrrtttttttttttttty!" But I wasn't feeling that blissful "eternal summer" mentality that Leo is known for, and I knew it (I) would just sound fake if I wrote about "telling everyone you know that you love them unconditionally and everything is amazing always and show up as your best bad ass self." Ok, well no, I will always tell you to show up as your best bad ass self. Because you are. 

But my best bad ass self this week was full of intensity. I believe I used the phrase "I want to punch them in the throat." I wanted to verbally destroy someone who was preaching about the benefits of being a fruitarian... UUUGH. Literally just writing that word I can feel my blood start to boil again. And that was it, everywhere I turned, I felt a level of intensity in my body that was overwhelming. I felt like I was spinning out of control. And then the pieces for this full moon started to fall into place. Oh the perils of learning from direct experience ;) 

Leo is the only sign in the zodiac that is ruled by the Sun. Part of the reason it feels so special, ha! And while the sun provides us warmth (remember that feeling?), energizes us and the dreams of summer sustain us in the depths of winter, the sun at its core is one big ball of fire (no pun/totally pun intended). And fire is what this full moon is all about. Fire demands our attention. We've all sat around campfires mesmerised by the dancing flames, the glowing embers, a line of people waiting to be the fire tender, at its mercy whenever it requires our attention. I felt this fire inside of me and it was demanding my attention. And after much confusion, I finally realized what I was feeling...

Passion. 

When we become passionate about something, it overtakes us. We use the phrase "I'm lit up" by something. We've all had a passionate love affair that truly takes on a life of its own (mmmm, drift back there for a minute ;) ). There is an energy that seems to appear from nowhere to sustain us, to drive us towards tending our passions. We seem to literally glow! 

But what about the other side of passion? The messier side? When it becomes all consuming, when you feel like you might actually burst. When those flames start to flare out of control, destroying anything in its vicinity that dares to come in its path. When passion verges on rage. And how terrifying that can feel. Well, that was me this week. I was walking the razor's edge between passion and rage, and hoy boy was it a journey. It was both fucking terrifying and...slightly erotic?! Feeling so much within me, while at times overwhelming and I would have given anything to stop feeling the way I was, it also made me feel alive. No one could accuse me of feeling flat, that's for sure. There was a slight hint of shame surrounding these intense feelings at first, that I was "too much" for the few people I put it on (and our societal conditioning to always be "the good girl"?). And then it started to feel goooood. Because I realized that this passion was in support of me, showing up for me. I was passionate about being treated with common courtesy in a work situation. I was passionate as fucking hell about people not putting their bullshit ideals onto other people (ya? you're really promoting only eating grapes for 21 days?). I was passionate that I deserve to be treated with respect in every aspect of my life. That we all do. And we should stand for nothing less. 

But let me tell you, it's been an overwhelming journey to feel that much fire. So while this full moon is about fire and passion, it's also about courage. Courage to know that you're strong enough to handle whatever you might be experiencing these days. Courage to be seen in anger, in intensity. Even when it feels like you have flames in your eyes and that you're "too much." And courage to hold space for those people who are feeling it, even if you're not. Because it IS intense. For everyone involved. But if we feel safe enough to be seen in all of our emotions, our passions, then that fire, that energy is ours for the taking. 

So whether your fire, your passion, feels as if it's about to go out, has a steady warm glow, or is on scale with the Australian bush fires (ahem, me), tend to it. Be your own fire keeper (anyone else just think of Friends - "be your own wind keeper Rachel"??). Tune in and see if you need to stoke that fire in some way, add some fuel, some passion. Maybe even a little eroticism?! Friends and I were discussing an apparently fantastic new sex toy if you're interested ;) Or you may feel like it needs containing, to stop adding fuel to the fire so that's it's not just wildly burning out of control for no reason, no purpose. And so that's my task for this full moon, to bring the fire back to a manageable level within me, to be able to use it for my own good, my own goals and dreams. Because it is a powerful force! But most importantly, to not fear this fire, this passion any more. It may be one of the most intense feelings I've felt in a while, but it makes me human. It makes me consumed with passion. And that is what a full moon in Leo is all about. 

Now just don't mention fruitarians to me ever again. 

Oh so much love always!

Xx Faye