Musings on the Pisces Full Moon

But with that, it was such a funny turn of events. I woke up yesterday to stormy weather, something I love. I felt so drawn to sit on my favourite rock, stare out over the rough waters of the lake, enveloped in the surging winds all around me. And all I wanted to do on this Pisces full moon was write a love letter to Neptune, one of the planetary rulers of Pisces. REAL Piscean haha! I let myself drift and dream seamlessly as I wrote, letting the words pour forth like Neptune's waters itself while the winds raged on. 

Once I had finished, I went inside to type up my hand written letter, and the moment I stepped foot inside I got a migraine. Ha! It was almost as if Neptune was saying 'ok, you were just writing about surrender and things changing quickly, are you really able to just flow with what comes?' with a sly smile. While I wasn't able to send out my musing, I spent the day connecting with Neptune in other ways, which felt like a strange, secret gift on this full moon. 

I have been going through two back-to-back Neptune transits over the last 3+ years and so I've been developing a very intimate relationship with this planet, with this Greek god of mythology that rules over the ocean, over imagination, over fantasy, magic and divination (to name but a few). And while this is a different type of moon musing (leave it to Pisces to refuse to be boxed in!), it is my desire from not just this musing, but all of them, that we begin to see how these planetary and astrological energies are not merely concepts written in pages and books, but we get to see how we live these energies in our daily lives. How we can see the impact of the moon, and what sign she's in, manifest through us (aka sobbing for no reason? want to shower the world with unconditional love? Want to hide away in a cave and not speak to anyone? You can thank the moon in Pisces for that!)

So while this musing, and the majority of my musings, are based on my personal experience, I hope that through these words you may get a real felt-sense of how these energies may be making their way through your individual lives, allowing you to connect even deeper to these energies that are always present around us, within us. 

Now with that, here is my raw, unedited love letter to Neptune...! A slightly scary thing to do for a Virgo who needs to edit. But my head still feels cloudy and foggy (some of Neptune's favourite words) from the migraine, and so I'm truly letting the Neptune waters flow uninhibited :) 

My sweetest, dearest Neptune,

This is my love letter to you. When I embarked into your realm, into your waters, before I had the language and love of astrology to guide me, I couldn't begin to dream up the ride and adventure we'd take together. It's been over three years now that we've been linked so intimately, with the highest highs and the lowest lows gracing those days, as only you can do. When I think back to before you took me in your arms, what a different life I was living, eh? One where days were monotonous, each working day beginning with "it's ok..you can get through this Faye," concepts of magic and others realms left to "fiction." 

I still remember one of my first real experiences seeing magic. I was sitting with my dearest friend in Bali who showed me how to use a pendulum. Seeing it/you move from a different force, I was left speechless and eyes twinkling like a child who had just seen their imaginary world become real. Because it had :) Remember when I wanted to look up the definition of magic because I didn't know what the fuck it meant haha?! Oh what a long way we've come :) 

Like only the waters of Neptune can, you guided me, sometimes gracefully, sometimes forcefully to start dissolving the parts of myself that no longer felt true to me. Dissolve the stories and limited beliefs inherited from this life and beyond, allowing the new space to be filled with more magic, more truth, more soul. 

Now don't get me wrong, we've had incredible times of absolute bliss, full of all-encompassing love for all beings of this earth, moments of true magic and synchronicity, dreams coming true and experiences beyond my wildest, wildest dreams. But let's be real, you've also made me work.

While you dissolved parts of me that no longer fit, you dissolved others too. Homes, fantasies and visions of futures gone in a flash. You dissolved the use of my body, my true Home. Those were the scariest, darkest waters you took me through, truly the dark night of the soul. It felt like you took everything away from me, except for one tiny, barely visible thread of faith. But I clung to that thread with every fibre of my being, knowing that, having to believe that, you wouldn't be putting me through this without it ultimately being exactly what I needed. 

You showed me that money can evaporate just as quickly as it came. You showed me that while some fantasies come true, not all are meant for me. I experienced your darker waters - depression, the use of substances to enter your fantasy realm I wanted to permanently inhabit. You showed me how futile it is to cling, to grasp to that which isn't mine, and the pain caused when I don't listen. 

I cried for days, sometimes weeks, a seemingly unlimited pool of your sacred tears washing over me as I lay curled up on the floor. You made me feel desperately alone, feelings that no one understood me or the pain I was in. Left in the middle of your vast ocean, in the deepest, darkest waters, with no way for anyone to find me. 

But then... but then :) You have guided me to be who I am today, and there are not enough words, not even for a rambly child of Mercury, for my gratitude. That I live a life where astrology, mythology, storytelling and the body (and the infinite pleasure of reaching your realms through that vehicle) are what I get to share with the world. That I get to live a life where I see magic each and every day around me. Where I can sob from the sheer awe of seeing you grow dragonfly wings on me, be brought to tears and reverence in feeling the invisible support that always surrounds me. That in times when it felt like nothing in the world could soothe me, I could reach your world, and the inner peace I craved, through your world of music, and be held in a way that nothing else can hold me. 

You showed me the gifts that come with loss, the freedom that comes with surrender, the cosmic hug that comes from faith. You showed me what lies on the other side of logic, a world of faeries and nymphs, wizards and shamans, witches and mystics. A world that feels more my own than the mechanical world ever did. You showed me what it is to love unconditionally, how to love and let go, to fill me with your dreams and fantasies of a life that is not only possible, but beginning to unfold. 

I could go on and on, and I will in other ways, but I can feel the tears swell inside me as I say - thank you. Thank you for choosing me to experience your ways, your realms, your gifts, your trials, your energies. Thank you for guiding me through each and every day of these last years, sometimes ruthlessly, sometimes lovingly. Thank you for showing me how far I've come, how much I've grown, through the radical surrender I feel as I still navigate your sometimes turbulent waters. But you're showing me what this has all been for. You're showing me what it's like to fully surrender, fully trust in a Divine Plan. One far greater than my logical mind could ever dream of. You're showing me what it's like to live between the visible and invisible worlds - my favourite place to inhabit :) 

I wear your ring everyday to remind me of you. Some days the stone glistens and shimmers a turquoise of that of the mediterranian sea, others it's dark and cloudy like the storms of the open waters. But it reminds me of constant change, of how quickly things, emotions, feelings, visions can change. That there are two sides to every coin. Fantasy can come with delusion, love with loss. You don't just get one side to life, it's the constant dance between the two that makes life worth living (she says on a positive day haha!). And just like your ever-changing waters, some days are met with hope, dreaminess and ease, while others rage on and feelings loom of uncertainty and confusion. But ultimately you have taught me, This Too Shall Pass. And the more I can sink into your surrender, the easier it is to flow and float in your cosmic waters. 

Now, we're still not through this yet haha! I'm still wrapped tightly in your embrace for another six months or so, and I have WELL LEARNED to never fucking attempt to predict how you'll show yourself to me haha! But I know no matter what, whatever comes my way, I can sink into you, knowing that you'll hold me, guide me, love me. That even if waters start to rage and confusion abounds, I can find you, under the surface, in the deepest, stillest parts of the ocean. Of myself. And be wrapped in your arms, in the Divine Feminine. 

I love you from the bottom and depths of my heart, my soul, my being. Thank you for never giving up on me, for being my constant companion in this world and beyond. For holding me in your embrace when I could no longer hold myself. 

You are me. I am you. We are One. 

With all the love I have to give,

Xx Me