Musings on the Cancer New Moon

Happy (second) new moon in Cancer everyone! 

Well, I have a confession to make. I was avoiding writing this moon musing haaaard. I didn't write for the last new moon (also in Cancer), even though deep down I knew what I was going to write about already. I knew what I would write about for Cancer six months ago. One of the most loaded, charged words for me over the last while...

Home. 

I know, right? Probably not the word you were expecting. But true to Cancer, it is an area of great sensitivity for me. Despite classifying myself as a 'homebody', this November will mark three years since I've had a permanent home. The eternal Seeker that I am, I have travelled far and wide to find "the place" to call home. Waiting (im)patiently to find the place where it all clicks and finally makes sense, where I finally feel like I belong. 

Ha! If only it was that easy. I have been going through an astrological transit (when the current placement of a planet impacts one of your natal planets) for the last year and a half that is in the house that Cancer rules, the fourth house of home and family. So I am being schooled in what home truly means, how far reaching the word goes beyond a mere location or building. 

Charles Dickens wrote, "Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit answered to, in strongest conjuration."  

I thought this was such a powerful, beautiful sentiment partly because I have been living this. How the mere utterance of the word can invoke feelings of longing, feelings of desire and dreaminess, feelings of safety and comfort, or even feelings of envy and shame around not having my own place to call home. 

When the world first went into lockdown and all talk was about home - staying home, saving lives by being home, how to manage being home with a partner/roommate 24/7 - depending on the day I'd either laugh or cry about of all times to be caught without a home, a global lockdown isn't the most ideal time! And while being forced to stay home is not what I wish for anyone, it did highlight the home and what exactly makes one feel at home. 

Having stayed in a plethora of different homes this last year while housesitting, it has been fascinating to get this internal look into people's lives, into what's important to them. You can learn so much about a person by entering their home, their sacred space that oozes who they are and what they value. The cooks whose focus centres around the kitchen, the gardeners whose home extends into their flowerbeds, the writers who need their specific nook to let their creativity flow. 

As I perused bookshelves that provided a gateway into people's souls, saw photographs that led me into their past, I began to realize what an absolute honour it is to stay in someone else's home. I was living in someone else's dream! What they've worked hard towards creating, envisioning. But even more than that, true to Cancer, what makes them feel safe and secure at the end of the day. And isn't that what a home is at the end of the day? It's not a place, it's a feeling it gives you.

As my adventure of housesitting continued, packing and unpacking too many times to count, I began to dwindle down what was really important to me. By the end of my vagabonding, I had my 'essentials list' down to a tee. My favourite coffee mug, coffee grinder (don't mess with my coffee!), my awesome portable speaker, my journal and my yin yoga gear. And about 30 books I would keep in my trunk that I referred to as my own mobile library ;) Everything else was a 'nice to have.'

It was such a cool experiment (in retrospect, ha!) to see what I needed to make me feel 'at home' living in a foreign space. My ritual of writing with a coffee looking out a window (sometimes even moving furniture around to assist this haha!), my music to transport me to different worlds in the bath, my yin yoga to calm me whenever I felt anxious. And I realized, it wasn't these actual objects that made me feel 'at home', but it was these rituals that helped me feel grounded, calm my nervous system, gave me a feeling of peace deep within my soul. That, I began to realize, is what home represents for me. A state of being deep within where I feel like... me! Not the anxious me, not the restless me, not the go-getter me or the hermit me, but the real me. 

I now see I've gotten it wrong this whole time. I've been searching for a place thinking it would give me a sense of security and belonging. Only now can I see what this search for a home has really been about..

A longing to feel that.

The only language Cancer knows. And how I find my way home :) 

Wish me luck!

Sending oh so much love always,
Xx Faye